I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
