What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
