the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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