Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
All the doctor said was why
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
