Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you didnt know i had herpes?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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