she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
