tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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