if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
the day after is always just damage control
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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