I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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