I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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