I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
