WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
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So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
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Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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