I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
