I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
