am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
