nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
