i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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