I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
