is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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