i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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