I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
