we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
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When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
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Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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