i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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