My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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