He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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