I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
