do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
