For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
