Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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