I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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