Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
This is classic penis vs brain.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
