I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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