I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
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