Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
