Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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