can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
