Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
