3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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