you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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