If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
