You did not just play the dead husband card again.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
