so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
