they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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