She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
