What a fucking waste of an outfit
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
