Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
