your thong is hanging out like whoa
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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