sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
