Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
you never un-have a 4some
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
