I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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