this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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