history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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