Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize