I want to have your abortion
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
